Death by Shopping(AKA Back to School Shopping)


So, tonight was the night.  I have needed to take The Wild One back to school shopping, and I had some running shoes to exchange(well, shoes made for running, just not necessarily by me)…so we headed off to the local mall.
My shoes exchanged for the correct size, we headed off in search of clothes befitting a new second grader.  Now, I do this to myself ever time. In my mind, she is going to be wearing smocked dresses with ringlet curls in her hair. Mary Janes with white socks…you know, the picture of a sweet and mild tempered little girl. Notice, I said “in my mind”. What I have, in reality, is a daughter who thinks she is a backup dancer for In Living Color(don’t pretend you are too young to remember that show!) We have to battle over every sequin, glitter, neon colored, tube top in the store!  Then, lo and behold, there is a shirt with headphones attached!! In bright neon green and pink, of course.  Well, this is where the REAL battle ensued! There are 5 different styles of this shirt and she can’t possibly choose just one.  The rolling on the floor, crying that she will just “die without two”, and just plain old melt down begins. I hold my ground – only one! – no matter the stares from other nervous parents around me. I can hear their thoughts ranging from….”look at this schmuck, can’t control her own child”….to “crap, steer the kids from that section, I am not letting them see whatever did this to her kid”.  Well, finally she chooses just one of the designs. And, wouldn’t you know it, that is the only one NOT in her size! Well, crap! Somehow we make it out of Kohl’s alive….two pair of glitter shoes, some hot pink pants, and a neon kitten shirt rocking out to headphones, later.  Next stop, JC Penney, where we have to exchange a skirt that just won’t button on her(this is the Yin and Yang of online shopping – no meltdowns in the store, but there is no consistent size in this world, so returns are inevitable)  I find these adorable outfits in this store – cute skirts and Peter Pan collared shirts. But, nope, we end up with a One Direction nightshirt(how this fit into school shopping, I don’t know) and a glittered up Minnie Mouse shirt!  I AM a schmuck!

I don’t know what is worse, the fact that the stores sell clothes for 7 year olds straight off of the drag queen runway, or the parents(me) who buy this crap! Well, actually I do know what’s worse, but I’d rather blame the store.  So, when you see her walking the halls of elementary school….just at least be grateful that she isn’t wearing this…

Yep…..the neighbors love us!

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