Honesty is the Best Policy……Sometimes

You have to understand my relationship with my daughter to really get what she told me yesterday.  Now, yes she is only 6, and I am the mother, but our relationship is, shall we say, complicated.  Allie is a very headstrong, defiant, independant, and loveable girl.  She doesn’t stand for much outside of her own opinion, and is some ways is very much like the woman I would like to be. Unfortunatly, I have to mother this headstrong, defiant, opinionated, and loveable girl.  My husband jokingly(ok, honestly) refers to me as her kryptonite. We seem to butt heads constantly and argue terribly. Now, I know that most parenting experts, and even non experts(which they all are anyway, because who the hell is an expert at parenting!) would find this unbelieveable, that I actually argue and fight with my 6 year old. Well, all I have to say is that they have not met Allison Rose Hoffman! Now, because we don’t see eye to eye often, I try to overly confirm my love for her. I would never for one second want her to think that I don’t love her enough, just because we are screaming at one another.  So, I ty to remind her how much I love her all of the time.  Yesterday, was one of those times that just makes me realize why I do love this girl so much.  We are sitting on the couch and I say in my sweet motherly voice, “Allie, guess what, I love you so much!” To which she replies, “I love you to Mommy…..sometimes” My son was sitting in the room with us and, because he always has my back, said to her that this wasn’t very nice. Meanwhile, I am smiling away!  She told him that is was the truth…”sometimes Mommy is mean to me, and I don’t like her then” How is that for “out of the mouth of babes”! Now before everyone’s panties get in a bunch, I don’t think I am mean to her. I don’t abuse her or call her names. I just don’t let her get her way all of the time, and in Allie’s world that is the meanest thing that someone can do.  I do lose my temper with her quite often, and while there are times I would like to string her up my her toenails…I have refrained(so far!)  But her statement made me think, as most of her statements do.  How can I keep her this way? She is so unfailingly honest, without pretention, without wanting to hurt someone’s feelings…she just gives it to you straight 100% of the time.  As an adult, I don’t know if I could tell you the last time that someone has been, or that I have been, completely, 100% honest with someone. We, as adults, have to always adjust what we say and how we say it to accomodate someone’s feelings, beliefs, background. Will this offend them, will this hurt their feelings, is this the right setting to say it…and most importantly, will they still like us?!?!? The beauty of Allie is that people love her, even me…who she only loves…sometimes.  Now, I understand that she is only 6, so people think she is cute when she is telling them how she really feels about them, but at what point does that change? Were we all like that as children? Is there an age that this stops being cute?  Or are some people just born that way and keep that with them their whole lives, while others of us(me) are constantly weighing their statements and avoiding conflict as much as possible?  I wish that it was the first, but I know better.  It pains me to think that we are a society of people that train our children to not be honest.  We should teach them to be empathetic, sympathetic, and not down right mean. But so many times what we teach them is to be complacent, and do everything that they possibly can to fit it and not rock the boat.  Well, after Allie’s statement the other day, you would think that my feelings would be hurt – but no, because I see this piece of her that I wish I had, complete honesty.  I will do my best to make sure she uses her gift wisely, but from this point on will do everything I can to help her grow up to be an honest, independant, opinionated, and loveable woman……sometimes.

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One thought on “Honesty is the Best Policy……Sometimes

  1. Are you sure you aren’t talking about Riley and I? I constantly ask the neighbors if they heard the apocalypse brewing in our house. A wise lady told me once ( actually it was Rileys caregiver) that it is easy to raise a follower but incredibly hard to raise a strong independent women. I like to think we are raising world leaders if that is the case.

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