These last two days have been quite eye opening for me. I have used my blog as a way to kind of work through things and learn quite a bit about myself, but today is a little different. I am a worrier and a control freak(insert gasp here). Now, I know that we have been over this before but no matter what I say or try to change, I will always be a worrier and a control freak(insert husband’s cussing here). I worry that I’m not good enough(not a great mom, wife, worker, boss,etc.) and try to control everything to compensate for some of that. Well in the last two days, I have figured out something. Dammit, I am pretty darn good!
Last night, we had the unfortunate experience of attending the viewing of a local, 18 year old boy who took his own life. He was a member of the Federalsburg Boy Scout Troop 137 and that is my connection to him. I was very worried about how my son, Nathan, was going to be able to handle this because this is his first real experience with death and such a terrible situation. He did have a tough time at the viewing, as did all of the boys, but he kept his emotions in check. Mom, on the other hand was a basket case! As any mother would, I just hurt so much for the family of this boy. When we got home, Nathan says, Mom, before we go in, I think you need a hug from me. I’m not sure if he really needed a hug and didn’t want to admit it, or he realized that I really needed a hug, but either way I got a hug! I am so proud of the man he is becoming and guess what, I did that! Well, Jamie was there a little, but I am working through my issues here not his.
I stopped by the office where I used to work today. What a great bunch of girls! I love them all. I hadn’t been in since I left to work at the winery but have really wanted to, so today was the day. I saw the completed renovations and got to hang out a bit with everyone…it was great! And they still say that I can come back whenever I want! So, I can’t be too bad a co-worker if this great group of people still wouldn’t mind having me around. Now, I just have to convince them to come see my at the new place(Kristina there is Diet Pepsi if you are not quite ready to tackle the wine!)
I found some great consignment shops this week and actually bought some clothes for myself. If you know me, you know that I never buy clothes even though I complain dreadfully about needing them. These places had great bargains and great things. I was feeling a little guilty when I told Jamie that on my two days off all I did was spend money on myself, but you know what his answer to that was…..”You deserve it” Well, bust my buttons….this day is turning into quite the little Jen love fest and I have to tell you it feels good!
Now last time I said that I was going to try to be less controlling, and I really am trying…its just so darn hard! But if there is one thing I am going to control, it is how I think of myself. I am pretty darn okay and I will not let anyone change my mind(at least for the rest of the day anyway) And most importantly, I know that there are a lot of women out there like me, and I am going to reinforce to them(and this could mean you) that they are pretty darn good too.