A Stitch in time…..

Hello all! I have moved on to my next “project” that I spoke about last time…..knitting! I have always wanted to know how to knit, kind of a “bucket list” thing. So, I bought myself a book entitled, “I taught myself to knit”(word of advice, for all visual learners-like myself-a book is not the way to go!), then watched a few YouTube videos, then finally enlisted the help of our very talented neighbor, and friend, Margaret Henry, and was on my way! My goal…..to make a scarf! Nothing fancy, just a one stitch long piece of knitted yarn. Who would have thought that a few hours later, I had learned some very hard lessons about myself. First off, I am not a naturally born knitter! But this piece of yarn has really opened my eyes about myself.

Perfect – holes and all

In my mind, I am supposed to be “perfect” at everything, and when I am not, I try to hide it to give the illusion that I know what I am doing.  When I first decided to knit, my immediate thoughts were that I was going to be a natural-these scarves of mine were going to be everyone’s holiday gifts next year, traveling the country to find different types of yarn, and who knows – maybe even sell them and be a millionaire! Yes, that is exactly how my mind works with every new task- it’s pretty exhausting. Take running for example. I love the way a runner’s body looks – long, lean, strong – so in my mind I am going to be a runner. When I think about it, I am going to sign up for marathons, and run 10 miles a day. But when I actually step on the pavement, I am winded within minutes, my legs hurt, and to be perfectly honest, I hate it.  So, I blame my shoes, the weather, my joints, etc. and decide that when I am ready, I will be a great runner.  Now I don’t want you to think that I am kidding myself in any way, because this is just the projection that I make. The little voice inside my head says, You can’t run, you are always going to be out of shape and overweight because you can’t run.  I tackle my job with the same fashion – in my head I am an amazing business woman. But the truth of it is, I am scrambling to keep my head above water. Spreadsheets read like Greek to me, Sales make me so nervous I want to vomit at times. So, while I try to project a great business woman(and for those who work with me, you know that I don’t succeed in that projection all of the time) inside that little voice is saying, who are you kidding, you don’t understand this , you are a fake, you will never do it.  Now, in the past, this little voice has made me NOT do a lot of things.  Not exercise because I will never be in shape, not take classes because I am afraid everyone will know that I don’t know what I am doing, not record a demo because my voice is not very good(okay, so even my inside little voice might be right about this one :-)! But this little scarf of mine has made me realize quite a bit. I may never be a great knitter and take the fashion world by storm with my creations, but who cares! I am a “good enough” kind of girl, not a “perfection” kind of girl and the sooner I realize that about myself the more I can enjoy the things that I like to do.  So, instead of laying down the “scarf”, and telling myself that I could be a great knitter if I wanted to, I am going to keep on knitting! Maybe not this particular scarf, because it is pretty bad, but keep practicing and doing it, just because I enjoy it, not because I need to be great at it.  I really want to get in better shape, so I am going to walk for exercise instead of run. I love my job, so I am going to admit when I don’t know things and learn as much as I can along the way. I am going to be myself from now on, and I have this poor, pitiful, mis-shapen, holey little scarf helping me figure out who that actually is.

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2 thoughts on “A Stitch in time…..

  1. Ok….never thought of you as a blogger but LOL loved it and about the knitting keep thining big so you can open the boutique that I can manage while your tackling the business world of winery….and hint hint my winter coat is hot pink (of course) so whatever scarf is next keep the color in mind

  2. Very good blog!! You are probably more talented than you realize you just give up too easy. I for one think that you have hadmany accomplishments to be proud of. Just think of yourself as a Jack of all trades and Master of none, but in the meantime you are a very well rounded person. I’ll take one of those scarves any day (mistakes and all). I’m sure it’s beautiful. Love you!

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